BMW R1200GS – The Object of My Desire

On the weekend I happened to be passing through a BMW bike dealership. A friend was looking for Bluetooth hands free for his Nolan bike helmet – which incidentally works very well!

So I’ve been thinking of changing Bikes – right now I ride a BMW F800S (see the pic)

I like my bike, it’s fast and fun but not that comfy for really long rides… I’ve been wanting to do a long trip, so thinking about a new bike. I had my heart set on a Harley-esque Yamaha Cruiser and with this in mind wandered into the BMW dealership.

I get talking with the sales dude about bikes, the kind of bike I want and he’s getting all narky on me.. This is HOW NOT TO SELL.. He’s bagging my choices, telling me what an idiot I am for picking this bike, when clearly the only bike for me is the BMW R 1200 GS. I say – you’re crazy, that bike is too upright, too heavy too this, too that but this guy is persistent.. In the end, through sheer tenacity, he convinces me to test ride one…

This dealership is a second floor shop. The only way OUT of the store on a bike is a STEEP driveway/ramp that feeds directly onto a busy road. So, having now agreed to test ride this monstrosity, I am now sitting astride one of the heaviest, most unwieldy bikes I’ve ever ridden, looking down at the busy road and thinking – BAD IDEA, especially since:

1. They have a swipe of my credit card and if I scratch it – I bought it!

2. This bike is BIG – so the EVERYONE in the showroom has stopped browsing and is now staring at me (and hoping to hell I fall off and make an ASS of myself!)

I gingerly ease this thing into traffic, after I’ve wobbled my way down the driveway of certain doom, thinking that the sooner I drop this thing off, the happier I’ll be. I fully intended to go around the block once and say thanks but no thanks..

BUT something strange happened. As I gathered momentum, this big heavy beast suddenly transformed from a heavy, unbalanced horror to a light and nimble trail bike. It felt like it weighed less than me! (which still makes it pretty heavy, sadly). The round-the-block ride turned into 40 minutes of heaven..

And now, I am totally fixated. Like the One Ring – I MUST HAVE IT!!

AAAAARGH! Stupid Sales Guy – I knew his technique was crap! Dammit.

Earning your Title. What’s in a name?

This week, while listening to the news I heard a Sports Report which made mention of the recent Australian NBL Finals. My ears perked up, mostly because I managed to score tickets to the 5th and final game and it was an awesome night! The news reader described the teams as the Melbourne Tigers and the embattled Sydney Kings. It really got me thinking. HELLO!!!! They placed SECOND in the NBL. I get that we worship winners to the exclusion of all else, but since when is 2nd place EMBATTLED??? Maybe I’m missing something? Being too hasty? Once again that infallible source of truth, the internet comes to the rescue:

Embattled can mean: “a crenelated molding” like the top of a crown! Crown, KINGS it all started to make sense..

Of course I’m sure sponsorship woes and coach swaps are not relevent to this discussion… (oops) OK – So maybe the Kings are a little embattled…

But it did get me thinking about how the modern media love to throw around these awesome prefixes! How do you earn a shot at a title? And worse – if you’re stuck with one how do you ditch it? One of my favourite Media titles is Funnyman. Jerry Seinfeld was recently in the news after being in a very serious car accident. His brakes failed and the car flipped. The dude nearly died! Yet, true to form, the headlines read:

“Funnyman Seinfeld escapes car crash”

Yeah, Hilarious! Jerry himself said it best in one of my favourite episodes (The Jacket):

“We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. (Long pause) There’s nothing funny about that”

Finished with Comedy, you’ll find it it’s gonna be hard to shake off that FUNNYMAN title. If he’s REALLY lucky Jerry might end up with former Funnyman at best..

My second favourite media Title is “Love Rat”. This is a winner. Once you have been branded a “Love Rat” by the media, never again will your name appear without this auspicious title. Threats of legal action, tears and temper tantrums will only serve to strengthen it’s Tarzan’s Grip. ONLY a wedding will shake this moniker off, and even then, it’s likely that the perpetrator will get stuck with new title of FORMER Love Rat. For some, this might be devastating, for others more surprising. I mean, really – check this dude out:

He’s THRILLED to be labelled a Love Rat!

It doesn’t end there. Try these titles on for size: Embattled, FunnyMan, Love Rat, BadBoy, Wifebeater, Songstress, Fashionista, Rich Kid, Winner, Loser, Quitter, Acadmedic, Actor, Author, Musician…

And LASTLY.. How do we EARN a title. What if I want to be in the news.. will the headline read?? : -

“Author Pat Devlin saves fish from Toilet Bowl”

after all, I wrote several essays during my high school years.. Surely I’ve earned the title of Author?? How about:

“Actor Pat Devlin snoozes on park bench”

Once again, how much acting do I have to do to earn this title? I’ll bet Russell Crowe would give his left nut to see a headline that began with:

“Musician Russell Crowe does something newsworthy”

… Good luck Russ! P